Fishing is One Thing but Please Don't Use Me as Bait

“Gina, can you please take these tickets outside to the guy that wants them from Craigslist? I have a meeting to go to,” I told her with pen and notepad in hand.

“What? NO! You do it moto, you never know where or when you will meet a man, so NO! You won’t be late for your meeting, and you just may meet your glory guy!” Put out, I threw the notepad down and raced outside to hand over the stubs.

It was a random way of meeting someone, but he sparked my interest the second I shook his hand. He seemed sophisticated and charming, but in a soccer dad type of way. Gina was right, who knew? Maybe he was my glory man! “Okay well enjoy the show! Have a beer for me!” I told him before racing back into work for the meeting I was already late for.

10 minutes later I received the text: ‘I’d love to take you out for a beer sometime after the concert’. Uhhhhh…..OKAY!

It happened more rapidly than it usually did, he won me over. I don’t know if it was our first date; him wearing a jersey of my most despised team or his shyness that seemed to wear off over our equal love for Miller Light. Maybe it was his passion for football and ice cream, sometimes even together. Perhaps it was that he had already been married and didn’t seem to be afraid of commitment. Whatever it was, I was smitten. And boy did he do everything right! The daily texts just to confirm he was thinking of me, the asking me out two days in advance, the way he acted downright excited when I requested additional time with him. Yes, from day one I was swept off my feet. I couldn’t think of anyone else, not even one of the other three guys I’d been dating. I didn’t care that he was going through a separation and had kids. All I cared about was stealing more of his soft kisses that had put knots in my stomach and made my palms shake and sweat. I hadn’t felt anything like it for two years, since Vince. Vince had made me feel the same way, caused my head to spin, and made me want him so badly that I mistakened lust for love. Sure, Vince had ended in a hurt that ran so deep it is hard to think of to this day, but wow, when you feel it again you don’t care! You can’t think of anything but getting more of it.

Yet the sensation didn’t last long. In fact, it fizzled as fast as it had developed. That one Sunday I knew something had gone terribly wrong, though I had no clue what it was. A day of drinking over football with his family seemed like a good idea, since becoming acquainted with the relatives is a good call…when things are going well. But boy, the minute it starts to die down, yeah, not so worth it. And after about six hours of drinking jagerbombs, beer, vodka, and very little eating, you can bet I was holding onto spending a little one on one after time together. But just like that, the night ended, us making out in his car until he nearly kicked me out of his vehicle. Sure he dropped me off at mine, but he sped off radically, before I could even open my own car door. I’d yet again been left for God only knew what reason. At the time I’d wondered if I'd been too much for him. Had I not turned him on? I thought things were going so right. What the hell happened? I knew something was up, I just couldn’t accept what it may be, and yet I had no doubt it was so he could go visit a different girl. I drove home crying my eyes out, knowing that was likely the last time I’d ever see him.

And so it went, we never saw each other again. Sure, he followed up with his daily ‘thinking of you’ texts but no matter how hard I tried he was never available. It was football, or swimming, or babysitting night, or sushi night with friends, or drinking with the clan late night. There just wasn’t time for me. We tried for lunch, for dinner, for weeknights, for weekends, but the days went by and his unkept promise list grew over a mile long.

“I’m sorry I haven’t been able to see you. I miss your kisses. I promise I will make it up to you as soon as I can.” It was what I heard daily basis. So with that, I held hope because I’m Jenny and that’s what I do. I can’t help it.

I embraced the pictures he sent me while on his trip, and the texts that started to come further and fewer between. But he’d promised. He’d told me he was not blowing me off, and requested that I please, just hold on and give him just a little more time. Soon football and his trip would be over and there would be Jenny time; soon, he’d promised and asked me to just hold on. Little did I realize he was requesting me to wait until the girl he genuinely wanted, agreed to commit to him.

So the day he came back from his trip there was no text, no call, no e-mail to let me know he was back or looking forward to see me. Nope, instead it came as a slap in the face when his Facebook status simply changed to ‘In a relationship’ with a horrible small heart next to it. Clearly the relationship was not with me, so who? When? Why?

I am not really one to act out, ooooohhhhh, although I suppose I do act out in my writing; but no, in day to day life I handle it like a lady. I simply deleted every comment I’d ever written on his page, removed every comment he’d ever made on mine, and ended the only relationship we had…which was sadly on Facebook. I then denied us being friends and closed my computer, tears welling up in my eyes. I would not allow them to fall. I would not cry over another man, not this time.

He knows. He knows he hurt me. He also knows it wasn’t fair what he did. I know this because immediately the next morning he texted that we needed to talk. Uh yeah, you think? Well, guess what, I can’t listen anymore so if you need to justify your actions fine, you make the effort to call me. And what do you know? I never did hear from him.

Rumor has it this girl he is in a relationship with is someone he has cared for and been chasing for some time. Only, before me, she wasn’t interested in him. How nice. How wonderful that he knew how to play the game; the game of jealousy. How shallow that we as people don’t realize we want someone, until another person shows interest. So I guess I am granted my closure. I was bait. He dangled me along until the one he really wanted saw that he was desired, became jealous, and decided she wanted him as well. Interesting. I don’t believe I have ever used someone as bait. Fishing is one thing but don’t hook me like a little worm and cast me out to sea.