The World According to "O"

A friend sent me the latest ‘O’ article today that showed the following quote:

“Love, I was convinced, happened in a lust-filled instant, and there was no mistaking it for anything else.” - Anna David
Following the quote was the article ‘The Realities of Love at First Sight – How fast can you really size up a partner?’

Here I had just blogged a week ago about how you should always give someone a second date. The following day I went on yet another first date, with a different man. It hit me like a ton of bricks. I had instantaneous interest in him. Was he perfect? No, certainly not, but within three minutes I knew he could compliment me in ways I the others couldn’t. Though I didn’t write about it, I personally realized that a second date was not necessary to like someone. You either felt it three minutes in, or you didn’t. If you didn’t, it would likely take too much effort on your part to maintain interest. Then I read the ‘O’ article and it’s saying point blank that you should ALWAYS give a second date. Wishy washy much? I’ll say! Now I can’t decide!


People laugh and make fun of me because they don’t understand how I can like someone so much when perhaps I don’t know them well, or worse yet, I’ve known them forever but never shared that sweet kiss. Part of the reason is that I know what I want. I want a relationship and if I meet someone who can fit that mold, well, I will open my heart. But this also made me realize that there are many different types of likes.

See, I have been chasing one guy around for about six months now. We went out almost every weekend of this summer, had a fabulous time, yet he would not make a move. So why would he even ask me out? What I realized was that I liked this man, not in a lust like way, but on paper. He had a positive personal resume. 33, never married (though he someday hoped to be), no children, successful job, works out all the time, not over the top hot but just hot enough, enjoys the same sports and activities I do, and enjoys going out with me. All this makes him good on paper. But when it came down to me being sexually attracted to him, I kinda figured that I wasn’t. So then, my love at first sight was strictly paper enforced.

Awhile later I went out with a chatty guy. Gosh he was nice! No marriage, no kids, big, loving family. He was successful, grounded, liked to go out with me, all around decent guy. But when it came to us spending time together I realized, yes he was good on paper but there was nothing there. I wanted there to be, some sort of feeling in the pit of my stomach, but there wasn’t. All right, maybe I didn’t feel the chemistry, but if he were so good on paper, why did I not yearn to chase after him for months like I did the last guy? There had to have been some sort of sexual chemistry with the other paper boy, no? Otherwise I would have liked these two equally.

Tonight I’m going out with a new guy. Will he be good on paper? Will the chemistry be there? I’m not sure but I’m open to yet another, first date. We did have a positive conversation, granted I was rather intoxicated but he had his life in order and was very nice, keeping me entertained. And yet, I fear that I may go into this, not my 100% optimistic self because I have been thinking about the instantaneous fantastic feeling I had most recently for someone else.

It’s been years since I’ve felt the heat in my body rapidly boil at someone’s touch. YEARS! But the second it happens, you know you are in trouble. And boy did I realize that all too quickly. Within minutes! Day after day, I couldn’t get enough of his texts, the dates, him. It confirmed that I absolutely can size someone up in my first meeting and determine if he is a good match. Good on paper? No, not really…though he was to someone else at one-time. But it’s not about your baggage, it’s how you carry it and this man carried it well. But I’m no fool, I don’t trust men. Based on experience, I fear they will all eventually hurt me so I won’t put all my eggs in one basket.

Can a person really know something this life-changing so fast? According to one writer. we are built to size up a potential partner instantly. In fact, they say after physically attraction (which is determined within two seconds) that if they pass your mind automatically races toward the next checkpoint: voice. Voice? But have you even been listening to what the person has been saying if you are physically attracted to them or were you really just watching their mouth move? But in all honesty, women typically regard rapid talkers as more educated, granted I regard them as coke freaks but that is due to my jaded past. They say the deeper the voice on a man, the better looking we find them to be, interesting. Following that analogy are the words he uses. We like men who use the same words as us. In fact, if he throws out an F-bomb you are most certainly intrigued or ready to throw your purse over your shoulder and march directly out. We are also drawn to those of similar intelligence, share our religious and social values and come from the same economic background. Men don’t have to tell us about any of this, we can tell all according to how they are dressed, wear their hair, whether they carry a laptop or a football or if they sport a gold watch or a tattoo. But can the handsome, deep voiced, well dressed strangers offer us anything? Even though we already decided in the first three minutes that they possibly could? If you feel an immediate click, trust your instincts. But don’t be surprised because often, the faster they fall in love, the quicker they also fall out. And ladies, that’s where it hurts cause the faster we fall in, the more slowly we fall out. Not fair if you ask me.

And men, just a little reminder to you. Don’t tell us how much you like us, wear the biggest smile on your face every time you see us, call us every day, etc, only to overnight decided you aren’t really into us anymore. Greg Berkhoff and his stupid “He’s Just Not Into you” book can go to hell. Sure, we don’t understand it when men just aren’t into us. Because if they EVER were, even in the littlest way, I guarantee they pulled the wool over our eyes and were adoring and caring and pretended they were SO into us, only to yank it away. You men do it all the time, don’t deny it. The three minutes of lust, just so you know, is built around your schedule, not ours. Beause when we decide we like someone we’ll rearrange our schedule any day of the week.