I Thought Handicaps Were Only in Sports

That’s right ladies; you can get away with being the handicap in Bowling, she who never breaks 100. Team up with a golfer that scores 72, while you score 90 and you got yourself a handicap. Handicap a horse race, weighing down the saddle. But there are some handicaps you just don’t do. Don’t go using the handicap restroom, unless, of course you are so intoxicated that the bars bolted to the wall are the only source for holding you up. Most certainly don’t park in a Handicap spot, unless you are an actress on Desperate Housewives and willing to fight off your ticket. And lastly, don’t date someone who makes you believe you are handicapped of living your life.


Please don’t read into this incorrectly. I’m not speaking of physical handicaps. I honestly don’t have anything against physical ailments. In fact, I am inspired and amazed by someone who strives to succeed in a materialistic world. No people, not talking physical handicaps here, I’m discussing people who rip you of all self respect, men who manipulate your mind so that you suddenly feel strapped and like life isn’t heading in the direction you had planned. He, who uses guilt to get whatever he wants and curses you for having male friends.

For a time being, someone like this, handicapped me.


I will refer to this man as Pokey. He was my rebound. The man who saw when I was broken and hurt, then manipulated me into thinking fate had made things this way. Blinding me from the world, he irrationally convinced me that I would not get married, never have children, and die sad and alone if I didn’t date him. And the worst part was that he didn’t even inspire me!

The following are warning signs of men who may cause you to spin out of control:

• No friends – if a man doesn’t have friends, watch out! There are reasons. Plus he will become insanely jealous anytime you want to do something with the vast number of contacts you have! Extra tip, if he refers to people who are clearly just acquaintances as his friends, well, I guarantee that you are his one and only link to the world

• Obnoxious Laugh – if he laughs at everything and anything at all, rest assured he doesn’t think you are funny. He thinks he is funny! People need to know when to laugh and when to give it a rest, especially when their laugh is painstakingly loud and makes you think about throwing them from a moving car

• Asks you to be with him exclusively on your first date – uh oh, this is never a good thing. Sure, as a women you want to be in a relationship. You want a man to love and treat you like a princess. Yet, when he tells you he isn’t comfortable with you dating others, on the first date, it’s a sign

• Compliments without reason – of course you think it’s nice when a man compliments you. But when you get home from the gym, beat red face, acne scars pulsating, clothes soaked with sweat, that crack in between your boobs smelling like rotten cheese and he grabs you to kiss you and exclaims, “Baby you are so beautiful”, get out! Continue your workout and run as far away as possible from this man because the only thing he is full of is…

• First time he meets your friends - If he asks your friends if it is all right to barf at their house because, he’s drank too much – uhhhhh he’s an idiot. No one does this! And don’t pretend you didn’t hear and try to broach the subject later because he will pretend he does not recall the event, so nip that one in the ass immediately. Drag him to the bathroom like a child, point at the toilet and utter something like here dumb- -it, if you need to barf, shut your trap, and barf in here!

• We have everything in common – If he insists that everything you do is exactly what he does, everything you feel is exactly what he feels, everything you like, he likes too…ladies you hooked a sociopath. No one likes everything you do, sorry but it’s true

• No one will ever treat you better – If he tells you this, especially more than once, he is only saying it because he knows there is a man out there that WILL treat you better! He is terrified of you realizing he is a manipulative piece of work so he insists on reminding you that no one will ever be better to you than he is

• Raves about his body – No one is perfect, no one. But let’s face it, when your man is doing a strip tease to ‘When I think about you, I touch myself’ and then wonders why you are in shock, mouth dropped open, escape. If you don’t, he will believe that his performance turned you on. Then he will update you on how hot he has become and how fantastic his body is, though he probably ought to have stock in the bro

• Obsessed with how you are feeling – Does this sound familiar? How are you doing? Really? How are you? Are you sure you’re all right? REALLY? Are you? Everything? So nothing is wrong? There is definitely something wrong

• Claims you beat him – ladies, if your man claims that the one-time you became a little too tipsy, you took him home and beat him, this is very unlikely true. Think to yourself, have I ever hit or yelled at anyone? Is this even possible? Likely it is not, he is manipulating your mind into thinking you don’t deserve anyone better

• Your sexuality is too much – Let’s say are trying to get it on, it is one of those times you feel sexy and vixen like. So you go to all measures, but when you do he freaks out because you are too sexual, wow…enough said

• Up and down – If he tells you he loves you within the first month, beware. Especially if two days later he mentions that you are hardly his “it” girl, but begs you not to leave him because he loves you more than life itself

• He insists that you break up with him – if he tells you the only way it is ending is if you break up with him because there is no way he will ever break up with you, it’s a sign. Break up and stay broken up! Don’t ever look back! Don’t pass go!

• Calls your family – This is a no, no. Especially if your family lives in a different state and has no idea you are dating a creep! That and he tells your brother you are a bi-polar whore, wow, yeah uhhhhh, this is a no-no